For me, I don’t look at the lives of others and think their grass is greener. As a matter of fact, I think my grass is pretty damn green…better yet, amazing. I love my life and I’m grateful for everything in it.
Here’s what I do…
I’m the person who looks at the “other scenario” and I think to myself, “maybe I should be over there”, where perhaps the grass is greener? But maybe it isn’t.
Let me explain.
- At a get-together, I might be talking with one person but thinking about how I ought to be talking with another.
- I’m giving my kids a bath (which is fun and I make the choice to do it) but I’m also thinking about the adult conversations I’m missing downstairs.
- I make the decision to take some time to answer a phone call from a friend while I’m at someone’s house, and yes, I insanely enjoy the brief conversation with my friend, but I also can’t help but feel bad about picking up the phone.
- I’m finishing up a quick work thing, and feel envious about the conversation among neighbours that I could be a part of outside my house.
- Right this minute, I’m in my backyard enjoying a beautiful outdoor writing session with gorgeous spring weather and nature all around me, and yet I’m also thinking about the fun that I’m missing out front with my family.
Is it a classic case of “the grass is greener”? Or is this more like a FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) situation?
The moment you’re in, is exactly where you’re supposed to be
“The fix” lies in this very statement. We need to know with absolute certainty that wherever we are, whoever we’re with and whatever we’re doing at any given moment, is precisely and absolutely where we are supposed to be at that time. That’s it.
Easier said than done.
But it’s something I’m working on.
Even as I sit here doing what I love (writing) and feeling as though part of me would rather be out front with my fun kids and husband, all of a sudden a fit of teary rage breaks out with my two kids. My husband handles it beautifully. So, now, where do you think I’d rather be? Back here in my luscious backyard writing away in solitude? Or out front, doing the mom discipline thing and getting frustrated in the process?
The other side isn’t always what you imagined
What if I had given up on my writing session to go out front, only to not have any fun at all, and rather deal with a crying children situation? I would have been mad at myself. It would have been a mistake.
If I talked to a different friend at the gathering, the conversation may have been terrible.
If I didn’t pick up the friend call, I might have missed the amazing news she gave me or perhaps would have felt bored at the house, or maybe would have then made myself feel bad for not picking up.
If I didn’t give my kids a bath and instead put the task onto someone else so I could chat downstairs, maybe I would have felt terrible about not being with my kids, and bored in a conversation that wasn’t really worth it.
See the trend? See the possibilities?
Of course, on the flip side, the change of scenario may have been better, but regardless, there is a clear habit here. No matter what I’m doing, even if it’s what I think I want to be doing, I still look to a different situation to compare.
Like I said, a bad habit.
Step 1: recognize it (which I’ve done here).
Step 2: see that where I am is where I’m supposed to be. No more. No less.
Step 3: stop the wandering thoughts.
Step 4: be present.
Step 5: know the moment is everything it should be. And feel totally satisfied with that.